WELLBEING PILLAR No.5

INTRODUCING - RIGHT RELAXATION!

Do you know how to relax? I mean really relax, to let go and ease away your pent-up tension.  Do you know how to do this naturally, on your own and in a meaningful, restful and supportive way?  My guess is probably not. 

What we tend to be better at is diversion and many of us are master diversion creators, often in the name of relaxation.  Instead of true relaxation, where we soften, or lax, all our strains and stresses, we tend to sidestep and immerse ourselves into something different.  Maybe this feels somehow relaxing, out of habit maybe, but often our diversions are surprisingly stimulating, keeping us in a constant state of high alert leading some towards chronic stress and burnout.

Let’s say you’ve just returned home after a long, busy day at work.  You need to switch off, so you pour yourself a large glass of wine and sit down to watch the latest action movie.  Pretty soon the day at work may drift out of your conscious mind and you’ll be more engrossed in the film and perhaps your second or third glass. You might feel a bit ‘chilled’, mainly due to the booze, and you’re certainly no longer worried about your argument with the boss, but are you relaxed? 

Let’s take alcohol, a psychotropic depressant that affects our central nervous system (CNS).  The main effect alcohol has on our body is to slow down brain activity so that the busy buzzing brain is tamed, albeit artificially so. Then switch to the movie, here our nervous system is stimulated into the sympathetic branch, ready to act.  Remember the body's nervous system responds to real, as well as artificial danger in the same way, so can’t discern the movie villain from the boss at work.  What you’ve accomplished is to slow your brain down with the alcohol and speed your nervous system up with the movie.  You’re most likely in a stress state but too drowsy to notice. Not at least till the morning, when your body will remember the stress and your head will remember the wine.

So, here’s how I suggest you start to learn to relax and allow your CNS to regulate itself as you go.  First, stop what you’re doing.  Sit down and close your eyes.  Notice everything there is to notice, that busy brain, tired back and hungry feeling. Allow it all to be there with no judgment, criticism, or need for it to be either good or bad. Just notice and allow. Then gently bring your awareness to your breath and breathe consciously and slowly for a while. This doesn't need to be long, just a few breaths, one by one, inhaling and exhaling.  Notice what’s changed, the temperature of your body, the sick feeling in your belly or the headache just behind your eyes. Then breathe some more, being present to the breath as it travels in and out of your nose.  Then ask yourself a simple question, what do I need right now?  Wait, for whatever answer to bubble up, as if a message from a Genie within.  If the message feels helpful, achievable and valuable act on it. It might be a 10-minute lie-down, a healthy snack, a walk in the park or hot bath.  If it’s out of immediate reach, like a trip to Thailand for example, ask yourself another question, what about this will help me, or why specifically do I want this? 

The point here is to become your own best friend. To be able to listen deeply to yourself, come up with helpful suggestions for yourself and importantly act on them to allow a real sense of relaxation to be present.  In psychotherapy, we call this an ability to Self Soothe, and without it, we are very much at the mercy of external agents of relaxation that might just be throwing a cloak of deception over your tension to try to cover it up, keeping the truth hidden from yourself as it does and you in an anxious stressed-out state.

If you feel you could do with a little help in learning how to rest and reset, please do get in touch, I’d be very happy to support you.

RECAP - The 5 pillars are:

1.   Right Exercise

2.   Right Breathing

3.   Right Thinking

4.   Right Nutrition

5.   Right Relaxation